He Said, She Said: Guide to Relationships

Every good relationship has two sides. The bad ones tend to have one side (i.e. YOU'RE right, THEY'RE wrong). This is a story of a young couple finding their way and keeping their voice(s) while exploring the joys and woes of dating, love and travel.

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Monday, May 08, 2006

Rules for getting your game back

Admit it. Whether you're recently single or pining for a lost love, chances are you've slipped up. Perhaps the night began bar hopping with friends, as one friend recently confessed. But as the drinks pour on and the night continues, you suddenly find yourself dialing an Ex-Girlfriend or Ex-Boyfriend or former One Night Stand. The inevitable happens, and the next morning begins with "Uh oh." We've all been there. And yet there a million ways to handle the immediate fallout.

HE SAID:
The sex is over. Hopefully it was good. Time to get you out of there.

Rules are different if you're a guy. Rather than blog about what the guy should do, here's my advice for the GIRL. Immediately after parting ways, delete the guy's name out of your cell phone. Write it down on paper, put it in a drawer somewhere next to a photo of Grandma and begin the long withdrawal process. This removes the temptation to dial drunk next Girls Night Out. Even if you know it by heart, you're likely to dial the wrong number (or Grandma by mistake) next time you're all drunk up. But that's for next time. Let's talk about immediate damage control.

What's done is done. If regret was your first instinct the morning after, then DO NOTHING! Perhaps you really like the guy, but you're afraid he'll think you're too easy. Maybe you're trying to get this guy to commit and now you're scared you killed any chance of that. Again, DO NOTHING!

Most guys are going to call or email you within 24 hours. The reason we do this is simple: it's called Man-Guilt Syndrome. No matter how big the player or innocent his intentions, he's going to want to check in with you if only to reaffirm all is cool, he's really a nice guy, he's the one in control and you're his puppy. What this does is set the stage for him to slip away and disappear with no strings attached. But if you DON'T RESPOND to the inevitable phone call or email, suddenly he'll begin to wonder if perhaps he is YOUR puppy. And having survived the dating scene for more years than I care to remember, chances are that is exactly the case.

And so, if you're still into this guy and follow my advice, I guarantee by the end of the week he'll be calling you begging for a "real" date. Dinner, movie, wine... maybe sex. But YOU'LL be in control. And suddenly that drunk dial would have become something a lot more.

NOTE: Exempt from Man-Guilt Syndrome are serial daters, relationship whores and psycho stalkers. Those probably require a restraining order.

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