He Said, She Said: Guide to Relationships

Every good relationship has two sides. The bad ones tend to have one side (i.e. YOU'RE right, THEY'RE wrong). This is a story of a young couple finding their way and keeping their voice(s) while exploring the joys and woes of dating, love and travel.


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

She Said: Moving in together

I am kind of torn on the decision we just made, I am very excited on one hand but am extremely nervous on the other. In fact I think I am going to have a glass of red wine as I detail the story...

A few days ago, we decided to move in together into a two bedroom condo with a beautiful view. We spend so much time at each other's places that it definitely makes sense. Especially if we are going to save any money for the future. Although there are a few things floating around in my head that are making me VERY nervous...

1. He has furniture from his college fraternity house in his studio apt.
2. His bathroom floor is growing hair.
3. His diet consists of Mac & Cheese, M&Ms and IcePops
4. There are only two closets in the new place, where am i going to put all of my shoes and purses?

Don't get me wrong, he is a fabulous man otherwise i wouldn't move in with him. He just has a loyalty to certain material items that he cannot depart from. Relationships take compromise, but we BOTH have to do the compromising and as stubborn as we both are, this could become quite a challenge.

I guess the main concern is that my space will now become "our" space.

Currently I live in a 900 sq feet one bedroom apartment in a courtyard building on the northside. I LOVE IT! It was my first apartment where I actually had no roommates. As an only child who loves her alone time, this was heaven. It only lasted a short 1.5 yrs., but i loved every second of it. Well almost, until a couple of weeks ago when I saw a mouse! Ever since then I have been camping out at his place.

One of my girlfriends and I were in a deep conversation about life and love when out of the corner of our eyes, we saw a mouse run across the floor! In standard girl reaction, we screamed and jumped on top of the first available piece of furniture. After I caught my breath, the braver side of myself came forth. I grabbed a stepstool, a broom and my boots as I headed across the room to coerce the lil' mouse to go out the back door. I must have swiped the side of the fridge at least 20 times without any stir, then in my last attempt, he ran in between my legs and under the stove. My friend was on top of the table screaming and calling HE to let him know we were headed over for the night. THERE WAS NO WAY WE WERE SLEEPING WITH THE MOUSE!! I grabbed a bag and packed at least 3 weeks worth of clothes and we headed out to catch a cab.

Little did we know at 3am in the pouring down rain there would be a shortage. A 20 minute wait in the storm and a mile cab ride later we made it over to his apartment where we were safe.

My place was never messy ( I clean obsessively), so i don't know where the mouse could have come from. I assume that since it is an older vintage style apartment he was probably hanging out in the walls with those nasty spiders that would occasionally rear their ugly heads.

I loved that place, but I guess I am ready for a change. Hopefully this will be one for the good. I am sure we will have a few kinks to work out, but when it comes down to it there is nothing i want more than to wake up and see those chocolate eyes, curly black ringlets and those adorable dimples everyday.

Friday, June 24, 2005

He Said: Moving in together

It’s official. After dating for a year and a half, Girlfriend (aka “SHE”) and I are moving in together. Goodbye bachelor pad, hello roommate.

This hasn’t been the easiest of decisions. In fact, there have been some very real moments when I felt physically ill, paralyzed by self-doubt and uncertainty. It began as a throwaway comment, but snowballed into something more permanent. The funny thing about this whole situation is that it was really MY decision to move in together.

So let’s backtrack a bit and see how it all began.

I'm not sure what prompted me to snatch the flyer hanging on the bulletin board in the laundry room, thrust it into the hands of Girlfriend and declare, "Hey, there's a 2 bedroom unit available for real cheap in my building. Let's go check it out." It all happened so quickly, so innocently, and I couldn’t even grasp the seriousness of those four words: “Let’s move in together.” I very easily could have said “Let’s watch some TV” and things would have progressed much differently. But I didn’t. And before I realized what was happening, Girlfriend was dragging me around town scouting for apartments. Almost overnight, it seemed, our relationship had reached a crossroads. And it was all because of me.

Am I really ready to take that next step and move in with SHE? The only thing I am sure of is that my nerves have hijacked my body and swiped my appetite. I can’t eat a thing - and still I’m starving! The decision to move in together should be an easy decision. Logically, it makes sense. We spend so much time together already. And of course there's the dog to consider.

Currently, the dog splits his time with me in my cramped (but homely) convertible studio and the rest with SHE in her homely (but bug infested) 1 bedroom apartment. You would think the poor dog would be confused, especially considering that we rescued him from a shelter. But he seems to enjoy the best of both worlds. He can play with all the other dogs in my building, and chase all the bugs at her place. If the dog were human, he'd probably be in therapy.

I guess moving in together makes sense. But then you factor in all the "other" stuff yet to be discussed – kids, marriage, religion, lifelong commitment – and suddenly I find myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So long as we take baby steps and leave all that "other" stuff for later – then I can see moving in together working out quite well for us both. There are moments even when I’m excited. It's when my mind gets ahead of my feet that I find myself drowning in doubt.

It's a big next step, but it feels right. Ask me again after I've eaten.